eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
