she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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