Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
