He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
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