definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
