i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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