Swine flu. Run for my life!
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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