it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
