you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
