Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
