I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Randomize