Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Randomize
