U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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