If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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