plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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