I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize