dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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