So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
