And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
