i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
