dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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