I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
