my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
