im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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