And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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