that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
