Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
