I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
