Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
