Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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