I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
