matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize