there was a trapeze. enough said
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
