i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
