Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
