I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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