Hey man sorry I got all grabby
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
