Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
