I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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