The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
A+ Viking dick
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