you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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