he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
