he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
