I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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