just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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