Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
