My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
its liver damage thursday
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
