the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
