Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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