Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Randomize
