oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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