I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
