just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
