you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
