Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
