I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
