I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
