I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
