since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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