Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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