he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
