I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
