we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
