I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
