Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Be still, my beating vagina.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
