You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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