It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
