Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
