If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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