Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
All I want is dick and wine.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
