maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
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