My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Randomize