I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
