would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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