it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
