I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
