I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
