I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
