They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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