Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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