Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
