1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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