would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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