who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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