Just fell off a train. Bad.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Randomize
