so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
