I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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