he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Randomize
