Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
