Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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