On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
