That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize