is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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