There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
