i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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